Do what you can
“Do what you can”. That’s what my Sensei told me when I was in Cleveland in 2009. It was snowing badly that day, and I wanted to skip the martial arts class that I had been going for a few months. That was a small non-profit dojo, very kind but talented martial artists. It’s called “Aikido”, a form of Japanese Zen-style martial arts. We start the day with a small meditation, some gentle exercises, and off we go to the mat. The initial few classes were about how to fall without getting hurt. And my Sensei said I am picking it up really good. I loved it. But the class was a 45-minute drive one way. And with work and everything, it was getting a little too hectic. My friend and I had buddied-up, but his schedule wasn’t working out, so he quit. I attended the classes for a few more months without my friend, but slowly started skipping. The masters were really nice, but I wasn’t that motivated to drive all the way, I was making up excuses. That’s when on that snowy day I called my Sensei, a 70-year old man, and told him that I can’t make it, kind of sounding like I wanted to quit. And he told me in a kind voice, “Ok… do what you can”. Those words were simple but so profound, I kept quiet for several seconds, then said, “Yeah, Sensei”, and hung up.
“Do what you can”. I always remember these words in my life. It was a very short time in martial arts, maybe 6-7 months, but it made a huge impact. There are so many moments in our lives where all we can do is ‘do what we can’. I don’t believe much in motivational talks or self-help books. At the most, they may just be band-aids, may make us feel good for some time but wears off pretty quickly. When band-aids can’t fix, only these words reverberate, “Do what you can”.
During COVID, there are people out there helping the world. I donate how much ever I can. Do what I can. All of us have our own memories, sorrows, heartbreaks, traumas, love, hurt that makes us this unique being that we are. Maybe someone can go out there on the frontlines, fearless of the bullet. Someone else is designed differently. I remember an event in history about the Queen of Jhansi in India during the freedom struggle in the 19th century. The British colluded with the Mughals and backstabbed the Queen, drove her away from her city, and misappropriated the lands from the people. The poor people in the village did what they could, by donating jewels, metals, and food for the queen and her soldiers to fight back the British. And the queen did what she could, fought in the battle carrying her 4-year old kid slung across her back, died in the battle, but remained etched in everyone’s hearts as a symbol of courage for generations to come.
And there are a lot of stories about the courage of Native Americans. An entire race, almost decimated. The predicament they are in today is sad. The Native Americans were driven away from their own lands and killed en masse. They carry something called a “generational trauma”, the unhealed trauma that gets passed on through generations. It saps the emotional strength for the next few generations to even lead a normal life. These people from the native reservations like Navajo lands are dismissed as “poor”, “drug addicts” etc. I see the Native Americans as wounded, wise, and courageous. I have paintings of Native Americans in my apartment, it reminds me of courage amidst despair. The vast desolate Navajo lands in Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, or Nevada are some of my favorite long drives. There’s generational trauma for Jews whose family underwent persecution and genocide, in African American families whose grandparents led the lives of slaves, trauma in World War and Vietnam war veteran families, and a recent slew of PTSD and suicides from Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans causing several more generations of trauma. Political ambitions of a few wreaking havoc for generations.
I remember a Terrence Mallick’s movie, ‘The Thin Red Line’, where an old, tired military officer played by Nick Nolte, trying to retire, would be called back for duty during World War 2. He will be pushed around by his superior much younger in age, with insinuating words, “Always someone watching like a hawk, ready to jump, if you are not”. And Nick Nolte, in turn, brownnoses him to earn a decent retirement, “You said it there, Sir”. And a voiceover of a tired Nick Nolte comes in the background in the unique Terrence Mallick style, “Work my a** off, brownnose the Generals… Degrade myself for them and my family… All these sacrifices poured down like water on the ground… All I might have given for love’s sake… Too late… Dying… Slow as a tree… The closer you are, the greater the fear.” I don’t know how many Spaniards had that thought while killing the Native Americans, or how many Germans while persecuting the Jews, or how many of the present US military while in the war in Iraq or Afghanistan. “All these sacrifices poured down like water on the ground”.
My roommate in Miami used to disappear most of the mornings during Sundays. I used to wonder where he was going. Then I realized he was organizing soup kitchens and was feeding the homeless and poor. He used to go to the Miami bus driver’s house, an elderly woman, calls her “grandma”, cooks soup and food at her house, invites and feeds people. There are times I wished I had that heart. Sometimes, I would feel guilty why I couldn’t do this or that. Maybe like those YouTube channels where people go to the roads and help the homeless, or tend to the wounded animals, or those social activists fighting for world peace. Slowly, I stopped treading on that guilt trip. “Do what you can”. I just do what I can. Everyone’s heart, memories, hurt, love, relationships, childhood, generational trauma, and life experiences are different.
I recently met one of my good undergrad buddies and asked him, “Hey do you remember, we used to go to the medical university library to prepare for the semester exams? The medical students there used to stare at our engineering books and give us a weird look at what we were up to”? He said he doesn’t remember anything and has no idea what I was talking about. That wasn’t a day or two, we used to frequent that library every semester for four years. How could he not remember that? This happened with many other people, they didn’t remember much in their lives. I don’t know why I remember everything. I remember not just the movies I watched during my childhood but even the emotions I had while watching those movies. I remember every story that people ever shared with me about themselves.
I realized everyone’s different. Everyone’s life is different. And everyone’s way of living their life is different. For some, life could have been kinder, but for some, not so much. No two people are the same. Some can saddle up and fight, some like my roommate can cook food, some can donate money, and some may simply wish well for others from their heart. Everyone does what they can. I do what I can.
Do what you can.
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